Moments in Time:  Wedding
by nomibubs
Summary: Fenris has a tendency to think and say too much when under the influence of alcohol.
1. Chapter 1

**Edit** - Now a fully beta'd fic by the skilful eye of Whitedatura. ;-)

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><p>Moments in Time - Wedding (Part 1)<p>

Fenris tugged idly at the cuff of his new linen shirt. He felt decidedly uncomfortable without his usual, well-fitting armour, but Hawke had promised that a wedding was no place for it. She had been mostly right. Only a few of Aveline's guards had attended their Captain's wedding in full gear. Still, he felt vulnerable and out of place.

It wasn't that he hadn't been grateful for Hawke's friendly input - her 'input' being paying for the shirt he liked the most. She'd also been the one to suggest a white shirt might do something to disguise the lyrium brands on his skin, and it had, for the most part. He lifted his arm, fastidiously assessing the shirt's success in making the hint of lyrium that glowed through appear part of some subtle pattern on the fabric. The effect seemed to go quite well with the intricate, embroidered detailing the shirt already possessed. It was a nice shirt. He ran his hand over the raised stitching thoughtfully. _A very nice shirt in fact_, he corrected mentally. It just wasn't him. With a long sigh he considered his promise to Aveline and, not for the first time, scoffed audibly at the memory of it. '_I'll endeavour to exist with less offence._' He couldn't really complain, what better place to start keeping his promise than at her wedding?

His long pointed ear twitched reflexively as raucous laughter drew his attention, and he lifted his head to see Varric emerging from a group of avid listeners.

"It's true, it's true!" proclaimed Varric, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Ask Hawke. Donnic thought she was totally after him!" More hysterics followed, and Varric was left chuckling to himself as he approached Fenris.

_That's a story I haven't heard before_, Fenris thought, raising a cynical eyebrow as they regarded each other for a moment.

"You know, Elf, though I realise we've established that brooding is a national sport in Tevinter, it's not so commonly accepted at weddings."

Fenris rolled his eyes. "I'm very conspicuous here," he stated dryly.

"Elf, you're conspicuous everywhere. It's part of your mopey charm," Varric explained with a chuckle. Fenris looked away. "At least you've made an effort _not_ to look like you hate everyone," Varric added, casting an appraising eye over Fenris's new attire. "Nice touch. Hawke's doing, I assume?"

"She was... insistent!" Fenris answered, his expression bordering on irritated.

"Yeah, she can be that," agreed Varric. "Good thing, too. I wouldn't want to mess with Aveline on her wedding day! The tattoo showing through thing really is kinda cool."

Fenris quickly looked down at himself again; perhaps the shirt wasn't doing quite the job he thought.

"Ah, don't worry Elf, no one's looking at you with my chest hair around," said Varric, tapping his open collar, hoping to mollify Fenris's sudden discomfort. "What are you drinking anyway?" he asked, swiping the bottle swiftly off the table and having a quick sniff. "Maker's Breath!" he coughed. "No wonder your head's so..." Varric lifted his hands to either side of his own and motioned them back and forth, momentarily speechless.

"Round?" Fenris offered.

"Inclined!" Varric finished, giving his eyes a quick rub. "That was like dragon breath and dragon piss combined."

"Having never tried either of those, I can't really comment."

"Well, believe me, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference," croaked Varric. Fenris unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. "There, you see," the dwarf began after clearing his throat, smiling at the unusual sight in front of him. "It _is_ possible to make a broody elf laugh."

"As long as the joke doesn't start with how many dwarfs it took to do it," added Anders jovially, suddenly appearing and clapping the dwarf on the shoulder companionably. Fenris's expression darkened again instantly.

"I thought Justice wouldn't let you out to play?" Varric enquired, lifting his chin toward the flagon of something stronger than water in Anders's hand.

"I said Justice wouldn't let me get drunk _and_ I'm not. I can still enjoy an evening with good friends."

"You should try that more often then Blondie, might help relieve some of that tension you seem determined to carry around all the time."

"By 'tension' you mean _demon_," corrected Fenris, his eyes boring into the mage hatefully.

"Care to say that a bit louder?" asked Anders sardonically. "I'm sure some people didn't hear you."

"It wasn't something I was trying to keep quiet," Fenris retorted. His disgust with the abomination was suddenly distracted, however, when Anders, having decided to ignore Fenris's final comment, unwittingly brought Hawke to his attention.

With a nod of his head in her direction, Anders said quietly to Varric, "Doesn't she look beautiful tonight?"

It wasn't really a question, but Fenris found himself silently agreeing. She was standing across from where he had been sitting, laughing animatedly with Aveline, Donnic, and a few other people Fenris didn't recognise.

"Ah Blondie, you've been barking up that tree for years now..." Varric replied, and Fenris quickly tuned him out. Hawke's close friendship with the abomination was not a subject he wished to learn more about. It had caused enough heated words between himself and Hawke already; he didn't need more information to help fuel further arguments. Besides, his eyes suddenly found themselves very busy taking in the very unusual sight of said woman in a dress.

Her everyday attire of cotton shirts and leathers meant she was often passed as a lightly armoured rogue rather than a mage, especially with the single dagger she normally had sheathed to her thigh. _A useful assumption when one is an apostate_, he guessed. It was often the last mistake a bandit made before receiving a lightning bolt to the face.

Fenris himself had made this very same assumption when he'd first met her years ago, though the long axe at her back had seemed like an odd weapon for one so slender. It had both shocked and frustrated him when he'd seen otherwise. He should have known. Fate found a way of mocking him at every given opportunity. Her brother, he remembered, had been very protective at the time, certainly more offended than she had been at any problem the elf might have had with her. She did have a talent for diplomacy that her brother sorely lacked.

_To look at her now, though, I can't quite believe I've missed her. Perhaps I have been keeping my head inclined too much!_ Fenris looked at the bottle in his hand briefly and shook his head.

Tonight, her usually sedate raven hair was delicately braided into several long loops at the back of her head and studded with sparkling red and white gemstones. The floor length robe she wore was a deep blue, almost the colour of midnight, with a dark red accent adorning the seams and edging of a well-fitting bodice, accentuating curves he hadn't realised she possessed. The fine material clung and gathered in wondrous places, scooping modestly low about her neck to the front and back, and though the sleeves were long they cut away at the shoulders. _Altogether, her outfit _revealed far more of her than he'd ever seen before.

She looked stunning.

She looked like a _mage,_ he realised bitterly.

The dark thought that she would've made a very desirable Magister in Tevinter came unbidden to his mind. _But desirable to who, exactly? Me?_

A sudden lump formed in his throat. _This isn't right_, he thought gloomily and forced himself to look away, glugging uncomfortably on a mouthful of wine.

_She is a mage. Always a mage. My friend? Yes, but always a mage._

Even as he ran through this personal mantra in his mind, his eyes betrayed him by drifting back to her. Now that he knew she was there it was difficult not to pay attention to her.

He'd always thought her pretty, that was no secret. He wasn't blind. He'd even told her so once, though he had been swiftly approaching the end of his third bottle of Agreggio at the time. She had made light of it, graciously accepting the compliment, her enchanting eyes twinkling and not leaving him to feel like a fool.

Fenris remembered _that_ conversation would have been difficult enough without his alcoholic indulgence, though most likely impossible as well.

He'd ended up telling her so many things. Things he'd never told anyone before, and she'd listened, at length, without a trace of anger or, worse, pity while he had unwrapped his heart before her; she simply offered understanding when his confessions were spent. It had been at that moment he'd realised she truly was his friend, and _that_ had always been the most striking thing about her to him. Not her considerable looks, but her calm kindness, her friendship.

How often had she deflated his anger or made him laugh unexpectedly? She was nothing but genuine. There was no hidden agenda. No lust for power. Only a desire to do what was right by those closest to her. It was something that completely flummoxed him more often than not. Frustrating him indefinitely as a person, as a _mage_, Hawke unwittingly tested every idea he had formed in his hatred and experience of others like her.

_She would make a terrible Magister_, he decided.

"Hawke's a fine woman, no doubt," Fenris heard Varric respond. Evidently the conversation had continued while Fenris had been lost in his own thoughts. "But I wouldn't say I was the best judge of human beauty. Get past a certain height, you all just start to look alike. You know? Big feet, tiny heads! "

"Varric, are you blind?" Anders asked incredulously.

"No, just short," Varric replied with a forced sigh. "Perhaps Elf could give you a better opinion?" Fenris nearly choked.

"What? Fenris?" Anders sputtered. "He'd have to forget she was a mage first to be able to see anything else, and we know _that's_ not likely to happen!" The accuracy of the abomination's assumption sent a spike of irritation through Fenris.

"Oh, I don't think he's without an opinion, Blondie. He's been staring at her for the past few minutes," Varric offered, returning Fenris's scowl with a smirk.

When Anders finally acknowledged that he was sitting only a few feet away, Fenris was forced to look at each of them for a moment before he shrugged. "I will not be party to this, my thoughts are my own."

"That good 'ey?" asked Varric cheekily. Fenris glared at him, but he remained undaunted by the expression and simply smiled.

"There, you see!" declared Anders, turning back to Varric.

"Well, Blondie, that might just be the best compliment she could receive. Elf's certainly not one to hold back on mages usually."

"If I had any compliment to give, I'd give it directly. Anything else is beside the point and none of your business," Fenris stated flatly, looking pointedly at Varric.

"Ooohoo!" Varric chimed. "That just makes it sound all the more juicy. You'd best get to drinking again. I imagine it'll take a fair amount of that dragon piss to loosen your tongue."

"More than you could afford to buy me, Varric," promised Fenris confidently.

"That sounds like a challenge."

"Would it be so hard to speak your mind if she weren't a mage?" Anders asked softly, ignoring the ongoing banter.

Why the abomination should care or even want to know what he thought was beyond Fenris. "Unimportant," he answered shortly. "The fact still remains that she is one."

Anders scoffed angrily. "Your prejudice disgusts me," he muttered quietly enough so only Varric and Fenris could hear him.

Fenris's eyes darkened in anger. "Why would you even want to know what I think?"

"I don't! I just don't understand what she sees in you," Anders challenged. "You've done nothing but spit every kindness she's offered you back in her face, and yet... she remains your friend."

"I'm not fuelling a rogue's tale with errant thoughts," Fenris argued, gesturing absently toward Varric and receiving an indignant "Hey!" from the dwarf. "That's spitting Hawke's kindness back in her face?"

"You know, there really is a story right here somewhere," Varric jumped in. "I'm just trying to decide how Hawke would take being caught in a 'love triangle' between a possessed mage and a broody, mage-hating elf? Do wonders for her ego, I'm sure."

"She deserves better," Anders said solemnly, ignoring Varric's jibe.

"With _that_ I agree," Fenris replied smoothly, privately only meaning her continued friendship with the abomination in front of him.

"Blondie? Isn't there a chance you might just be a little bit... I don't know, jealous?" Varric asked with a frown. The question drew Fenris's gaze to Hawke mingling amongst the nobility of Kirkwall, invited to the wedding out of political politeness. Though Fenris felt he knew better, she did appear at home in their company. "'Cause I realise she has other friends in her life these days," Varric added, also looking at Hawke. "It's a far cry from nights at the Hanged Man, that's for sure."

"Of course there's a chance," Anders blurted out. "I'm not so blind that I don't see how she's distanced herself from me... since..." He looked at Fenris.

"Since you nearly murdered a girl you were trying to protect?" Fenris offered condescendingly, frustrated further by the mage's intent glare. Hawke wasn't standing there talking to _him__,_ after all.

Varric rolled his eyes. "You _had_ to bring that up?" he asked Fenris under his breath.

Anders noticeably winced at Fenris's reminder of what he had nearly allowed Justice to do. If Hawke hadn't been there - it didn't bear thinking about, though it constantly haunted his mind. "_Since_ her interest has been drawn, however undeservedly, elsewhere," Anders finished, his eyes filled with venom.

"Blondie..."

"I love her, Varric," Anders admitted, though his eyes remained on Fenris. "_You_ can't possibly comprehend!"

"Don't bare your heart to me, _mage_," Fenris threatened, "less you'd have me rip it out. You're less than a man to me, Anders, you're an abomination. I'd have no qualms about doing it." _I_t's only because Hawke cares that I haven't done it already.__ Fenris's grip on the neck of his wine bottle was fierce, though his voice was deadly calm as he glared at the mage.

An ethereal glow suddenly flickered through Anders's eyes as he took an intimidating step toward the seated elf. "I'm not afraid of you, Fenris." The voice that carried the claim dropped an octave as the Fade spirit within him struggled to burst out.

Fenris started to get to his feet, undaunted by the display. He'd seen it before. It only proved yet again that Anders had no control, despite his constant, whiny assurances to the contrary. _Why is Hawke not here to witness this? It would do her good to see what she allows so close!_

"Whoa now!" Varric yelled and bravely stepped in front of Anders. "Perhaps before you two go at it we could remember where we are? _Whose_ wedding this is!"

For a split second Anders only stared down at Varric, eyes glowing, watching as he swallowed nervously before forcing them closed. Anders pinched the bridge of his nose and visibly hunched in on himself.

"No," he commanded, shaking his head and fully regaining control. "I will not be goaded like this." Without another word he turned and shakily made his way over to where Hawke still remained with the bride and groom, blissfully unaware of all that had just transpired.

"You had to bring up the Justice thing, didn't you?" Varric asked Fenris, breathing slightly easier as he watched Anders walk away.

"That _mage_," Fenris began, wrapping his mouth around the word like it was barely a suitable description for the abomination. "is a danger to us all. To Hawke most of all, but she refuses to see it!"

Varric looked back at Fenris, his eyes clearly questioning the evident frustration and concern in his voice. "Oh, I think she sees it, Elf. She just wants to help him."

"He's an abomination!" growled Fenris, like that should be enough explanation for any sane person. "He went beyond the point of help when he willingly took that Fade spirit in."

"You know, Elf, I seem to recall you once taking a demon's offer," stated Varric pointedly, meeting Fenris's dark glare. "Perhaps you could consider giving Blondie a break?"

"And how did Hawke respond to that particular shortcoming?" Fenris asked. Varric had unintentionally proved Fenris's point by reminding him of one of the most regretted decisions he'd ever made.

Varric chuckled. "I love how you ask that like you have any idea." Fenris merely waited expectantly. "She kicked your ass right out of the Fade," Varric answered before smiling roguishly, "in impressively short order, I might add."

"Precisely."

"So your problem is not really that Anders has Justice, but that Hawke doesn't kick his ass over it?"

Fenris didn't answer that observation, wondering if that really was the problem.

Varric took his silence as confirmation. "Well... what makes you think she hasn't?"

Fenris turned back to Hawke then, watching her expression alter from happy to concerned as Anders caught her attention. He couldn't hear what was said, but saw her reach out and place her hand on the mage's arm in comfort.

_That_, he thought in answer to Varric's question, insides squirming at the sight of her sliding her fingers so easily over Anders's skin. He swore under his breath.

_Am I really just jealous? _he wondered uncomfortably, rubbing at his own arm, his mind dwelling on how it would feel to have Hawke touch _him_ in such an easy manner. _I really need to stop drinking._

Unaware of how closely Varric was watching his reaction, Fenris jumped slightly when Varric spoke again.

"There is some truth to what Blondie said. It's not _just_ the Justice thing that keeps her from him now, you know?" Fenris lifted an eyebrow in question. "She spends a lot of evenings in a broken, run down mansion when she has a perfectly nice one of her own to spend time in."

Fenris shook his head. "Hawke and I are merely friends," he explained, agitated by Varric's obvious insinuation that they were anything more. He certainly was not going to tell Varric that the schedule of her visits most likely stemmed from the time she had taught him to read and write years earlier. They'd evidently grown accustomed to spending the time together, he'd never really thought about how others might have perceived it.

"_That_ in itself speaks volumes, Elf. Well, to a jealous mage, at least," Varric paused, looking back at Hawke who was staring intently in their direction. "Though right now I'd say Blondie was the least of your concerns. Your _merely_ friend looks pissed."

Fenris looked up from Varric straight into Hawke's intense glare. Evidently she'd known exactly where he was, even though he'd been unaware of her till a few minutes ago. He refused to wilt under her gaze, he wasn't sorry for what he'd done, but she refused to look away while continuing to listen to whatever Anders was saying, so they simply stared at each other for a long moment.

"Did you _have_ to threaten to rip out his heart, Elf?" Varric asked, looking between them, glad to not be under such vicious scrutiny himself.

"It's what I do," Fenris answered calmly, still staring back at Hawke.

"I know..." Varric conceded, "but still."

Finally she looked away, evidently frustrated, and Fenris released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Varric chuckled nervously. "Yep, definitely pissed! Nothing quite like an angry Hawke."

Fenris shrugged, feigning indifference, but he felt the sting of Hawke's displeasure more keenly than he cared admit. He always had. It made him feel guilty, and that pissed _him_ off.

"I need some air," he declared to Varric, and he allowed his hair to curtain his face as he turned, blocking Hawke from view.


	2. Chapter 2

Moments in Time – Wedding (Part 2)

Fenris wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there with his legs bent, arms resting over his knees, and head tipped forward to allow his hair to shield his vision from everything bar what was directly beneath him. He only knew that he felt cold. It wasn't an unwelcome feeling, but he was determined to remain irritated, so he stubbornly forced himself to blame Hawke for making him wear this _inhabilis_ shirt.

Drink or no, Fenris knew he'd done a fine job of messing with his own head tonight. Especially with such uncomfortably _pleasant_ thoughts of his closest friend flitting through his mind, but he couldn't quite face the responsibility of it all.

_As if Hawke didn't flummox me enough already. Why did she have to look so... so..._ He shook his head as his mind refused to voice what he felt. _Anders, _he thought darkly, _verimas asinu! This is his fault! Bringing _things_ to my attention I was quite happy not thinking about._ Fenris flexed his fingers instinctively, working out the settling stiffness of his joints while momentarily distracted by a bug walking into his narrowed field of vision. _Anders! _he thought again, unceremoniously flicking the insect from beneath the crook of his leg.

"Honestly, do you really think bringing this up at Aveline's wedding is suitable?"

It was distant, but Fenris recognised Hawke's strained voice instantly. He uncurled himself enough to twist and look over the edge of the wall he was sitting on, intrigued to see who she was speaking to. A pair of figures were briefly silhouetted against the interior lights of the Keep whilst the large doors stood open. The moment they closed again the shadows drew in and only his keen eyesight left him able to watch the pair's progress as they descended the steps onto Viscount's Way. When they passed the next torch, both were illuminated in a golden glow and Fenris frowned to see Anders at Hawke's side.

"Bride or not, wedding dress or not, she'd quite merrily skewer you for making her guests uncomfortable," she continued. "I'm not even sure I'd stop her!"

_Perhaps I left too early if I missed a chance at seeing a blade being taken to Anders_, Fenris thought, smiling to himself.

Content to let them walk by, Fenris allowed his head to rest back against the stone behind him and closed his eyes. He didn't feel ready to butt heads with Anders again just yet, and certainly not with Hawke present. He already felt guilty and confused enough without incurring even more of her obvious displeasure.

Though he desperately wished to ignore them, it became increasingly difficult. Just as his eyes had betrayed him earlier, his ears seemed bent on listening to every word Hawke said. It was disconcerting to realise he could picture a facial expression to go with every inflection she used.

"You're not the only one feeling the pressure, you know?" Hawke was truly irritated now. The idea that her frustration was not aimed at him made Fenris smile all the more, but her next words gave him pause. "I'm trying my best to keep you safe, and you're not making that any easier by arguing with off-duty Templars, Anders. I don't care how much Fenris annoyed you beforehand!"

Fenris's mind reeled between, _'Keep you safe'! What does the abomination have her doing?_ and '_I was annoying him_'_!_ He swore under his breath, opening his eyes in time to see Hawke storming away from the irritating mage.

"Hawke!" Anders called, quickening his pace to keep up with her. "Marian, please. I'm sorry." He caught her arm and pulled her to a stop, making the long red shawl Fenris hadn't realised she was wearing slip down on one side. "The last thing I want is for you to be angry with me."

Hawke sighed. "I'm not angry with you," she replied quietly, turning to look up into Anders's abashed face. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day." While mollifying the mage's concern, she gently pulled her arm free of his grasp and readjusted her shawl. She wound up a few steps away from him, leaning against one of the huge stone pillars that supported the open ceiling of Viscount's Way. The clear sky offered a view of the stars; Fenris watched as Hawke tilted her head up to look at them.

"But it is a beautiful night," Anders said, mirroring her actions and looking skyward admiringly. She nodded in agreement as his gaze came back to her. "In more ways than one," he added easily.

Fenris rolled his eyes, he really didn't want to be hearing this, but frustratingly found himself wondering about how Hawke would react to such _charm_. He knew how Magisters in Tevinter would have behaved. As Danarius's bodyguard, he'd unfortunately witnessed more than he cared to remember of their base desires and _confidence_ with intimacy. He'd even found himself the unwilling _focus_ on several occasions. Fenris shook his head at the disturbing memories.

Once again Hawke surprised him, though he was starting to question why. She was unlike any woman he'd ever known, mage or not. She ventured nothing in response to Anders compliment, though her expression subtly revealed her uncertainty and embarrassment. There was certainly no _shift_ between them, no attempt to move closer together. The two mages simply remained still, staring at one another. Fenris found himself captivated, watching Hawke closely and idly wondering how it would feel to hold her attention in such a pleasant way, for her eyes to burn with something other than annoyance when she looked at him intently.

_Ei sum fatuus! _Fenris inwardly declared, tearing his eyes away from her. _Why am I allowing myself to continue with these thoughts_?

With a blink, the noticeable chemistry of their _moment_ was gone, and Fenris, drawn to the sudden movement, looked down to see Anders taking a step back and folding his arms defensively. His whole stance radiated aggravation as he spoke again. "It's worth any irritations just to spend some time with you. I haven't seen you much recently."

_Fool,_ Fenris thought. At that moment, he was unsure about who the insult was aimed at, Anders or himself for caring about how the abomination was coming across to his _mage_ friend. He seemed to be incapable of pulling his thoughts into something suitably coherent.

"I know, Anders, I'm sorry," Hawke apologized wearily. "There have been other things going on, and I haven't been able to get down to the clinic as much as I would've liked."

"Other things?" Anders asked curiously, instantly stepping closer to her again. Reaching forward, he gently cupped Hawke's cheek. Something in Fenris's gut tightened at the sight, his mind reliving the same squirming jealousy of earlier even more intensely as he watched Hawke close her eyes, obviously enjoying the contact of the abomination's fingers on her skin.

_Their ease of being around one another, touching so freely, why is it getting under my skin?_

It might have been easier to stomach if Anders simply pressed her up against the pillar like he evidently wished to. At least _that _would have been typical, instead of this unusual subtlety Fenris found he envied beyond reason. He forced himself to pull his eyes away again.

_No. __That__ would not be easier._

His jaw clenched uncomfortably and he wished he'd brought his Agreggio outside with him, if only to have something to blame these disturbing introspections on. _Or _perhaps just to throw at the abomination.

"It's nothing of note," Hawke breathed contentedly. Anders let his hand fall away.

"I thought maybe Fenris..." the mage began dejectedly.

Fenris found his interest unwittingly piqued again as he waited for her response to Anders's suggestion, thinking on how rapidly he'd shot down Varric's assertion that they were more than 'just friends' earlier.

"What? No," she cut in a little too quickly. "Other things like _life__,_ Anders."

"I'm sorry, Marian," Anders apologized, his shoulders relaxing in light of her swift refute. "I know you have good sense."

Fenris scoffed, infuriated, and noticed the mage turn slightly as if he'd heard the sound. However, after a moment Anders simply shook his head and looked back at Hawke. "It's just - I can't understand your friendship with _him_, not that it's my place to criticize. He seems less a man to me than a wild dog!"

Fenris began uncontrollably grinding his teeth. _'Wild dog,' am I?_

"Anders, don't call him that!" Hawke demanded, helping to alleviate some of Fenris's sudden desire to leap down and let the abomination know he had no idea what 'wild dog' was yet.

Undaunted by her sudden annoyance, Anders continued, "Surely you of all people would prefer someone more open-minded, even for a friend?"

"Me of all people? You mean as a mage?" she questioned irritably.

Anders nodded, his expression grim. "I can't imagine it's something that goes down well between you."

Hawke became thoughtful, almost wistful, for a moment. "At first, perhaps," she began, before continuing pointedly, "Look, his experiences are not mine to elaborate on, Anders, but he has more reason than anyone I've ever known to hate and mistrust mages."

"He's let one bad experience colour his whole world."

Hawke was speechless for a few seconds before her eyes narrowed in anger. "One bad _experience_!" Hawke repeated with clear disbelief, glaring up at the mage in front of her. "It was his _life_. Would you like _your_ life within the Circle summed up similarly?"

"One evil Magister does not make all mages bad, Marian," Anders retorted, his irritation at her defence of Fenris apparent.

"I know that," Hawke replied, rubbing her temples and shaking her head, "but it only ever takes one bastard to undo a lifetime of good choices by others." For a long moment there was only silence as they both refused to back down. In the end, Hawke looked skyward and Fenris imagined her taking a calming breath to settle her thoughts as she often did. She was always so careful. "Magic is a powerful, dangerous thing. People have every right to be fearful of it," she added at length, her voice solemn.

"Is that something the elf said?" Anders asked moodily.

"I'm sure it's come up," Hawke answered, and Fenris was surprised to see another smile play across her features. _What is this confounding need she has to baffle me, even now, by simply being who she is? _he asked himself. It made him wonder what Hawke really thought when she was forced to consider their past heated discussions. "Would that make it any less truthful?" she asked, watching as Anders's expression became more discerning. "Mages are dangerous. _We_ are dangerous!" she said, gesturing to both of them. "There's no escaping that. All it ever takes is one moment of weakness, one slip," her voice trailed off, a note of anxiety entering it as she looked away and said, "...and so many do."

_A good example of that is standing right in front of you, Hawke,_ Fenris thought grimly, wondering yet again why she chose to see Anders so differently. He halted that line of thought abruptly. He didn't want to over think her reasons. _I want to sleep tonight._

"We can only hope, you and I," Hawke added finally, resting her hand on Anders's feathered pauldron and looking searchingly into his down-turned face, "that we are able to show how good mages can be trusted."

_One of you, perhaps,_ Fenris added mentally.

"Is that what you've been trying to accomplish with Fenris?" Anders asked gloomily.

"Accomplish?" Hawke laughed. "You make it sound like he's nothing more than a pet project to me."

"I can hope," the mage muttered.

"Anders..." Hawke sighed. "Fenris is my friend. I'm afraid you just don't know him."

Anders looked up, his expression dispassionate. "I know as much as I'd ever like to."

"That's right, _mage__,_" Fenris growled under his breath. Again, Anders turned his head as if he'd heard, but he still made no deliberate attempt to locate the source of the comment.

"_But_ enough," Anders began suddenly as Hawke turned away, lifting her hands in exasperation. He reached for one of them and pulled it toward him, forcing her to face him again. "My fears for you are pacified. I am appeased," he continued in response to her disbelieving expression. "This is me," he said, gesturing animatedly with his hands, "putting my aggravations with Fenris in a box." He placed an evidently squirmy _thing_ into an imaginary box and closed the lid rather forcefully. "I can shake it viciously later," he added with a wry smile. Hawke just rolled her eyes, but wasn't quite able to keep a straight face as she shook her head.

"Perhaps I should try putting both of you in a box. It might be easier to knock your heads together!" Hawke suggested, surprisingly testy.

Fenris snorted, thinking in disgust,_ You'd have to be fast, Hawke!_

"Hmm," was all the response she got from Anders as he retreated back a step.

It was quiet for a long time after that, and Fenris let his head rest on the stone behind him again, allowing his mind to drift. Annoyingly, it kept wandering to the woman standing only a few feet below him.

How lovely she looked.

How he could still picture her vividly, even with his eyes closed.

How he might struggle being alone with her now after he'd unexpectedly had such desirable musings about her that were not entirely unwelcome.

Fenris smacked the heel of his hand against his head to straighten his meandering thoughts. It didn't work. Growling to himself, he sat up again to see that both Hawke and Anders were still standing where they had been a moment ago. They were no longer looking at one another, instead gazing thoughtfully in different directions.

_Why can't they just go away and leave me in peace?_

"Marian?" Anders asked at length.

"Yes?" she answered softly.

"I _have_ been trying to be a good example."

"Oh, Anders, I know." Her response was full of concern as she stepped toward him, ready and almost eager to offer the comfort Anders obviously sought from her simple touches. "You do such a wonderful job with your clinic. You help so many people."

"But how can I trust myself? How can I trust in my ability to heal - after -" His voice trembled slightly, the question dying on his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose and pushed his finger and thumb against his eyes forcefully.

"Anders," Hawke began consolingly.

"I've begun to see that this was a terrible mistake, Justice and me."

_Only now? _Fenris shook his head in disbelief.

"I only wanted to help my friend, you know?" Anders explained, eager for her acceptance. To Fenris's dismay, she was happy to offer it.

"I know," Hawke answered gently, staring into the abomination's face, concerned and thoughtful. "Is there nothing that can be done? Can't _it_ be reversed in some way?" she asked, an unmistakable note of discomfort in her voice.

"Justice and I are one now," replied Anders, absentmindedly pinching a strand of Hawke's fringe between his fingers before brushing it aside. "It's hard to know where I end and he begins. Even if it were possible, I'm not certain we would both survive the process."

_Could be worth looking into then_, Fenris thought darkly, his chest feeling ridiculously tight as he tried to rein in the sudden envy at witnessing their closeness once more. He inwardly cursed himself for sitting where he was. _Why didn't I just leave like I originally intended?_

"I will look into it, though," Anders promised finally.

_Good, _thought Fenris.

"You must tell me if there's anything I can do to help," Hawke said.

"I will," Anders replied, a smug smile spreading over his features at her obvious eagerness to aid him. "Hmm, I suddenly feel quite exhausted. I think... I need to take my leave, Marian."

"Do you want me to go with you?" she asked, worried at his suddenly weakened state.

The mage shook his head. "I wouldn't have you walk all the way to Darktown looking the way you do and then have you walk back up here alone. Go back and enjoy the rest of the night. You're too beautiful to be wasted in the shadows out here."

"At least use my cellar entrance to Darktown, it'll be quicker and quieter, _and_ you should take Juno."

"Stop fussing," Anders bid lightly. "I'll be fine... though I may take you up on the cellar route offer."

"You can use it any time, you know that."

"I know." Anders murmured, taking Hawke's hand in his again and appearing to briefly consider her slender fingers held loosely in his palm. He was thoughtfully running his thumb over her skin with his head turned slightly in Fenris's direction. Fenris would never see how his eyes hardened, flashing infinitesimally with Justice's presence before his expression changed, becoming playful as he looked back to Hawke, smiling his most charming smile and leaning in to place an unexpected soft kiss to the corner of her lips. "Thank you, Marian. Goodnight," Anders whispered.

"Goodnight," she responded, sounding a little stunned.

Fenris didn't realise how wide his eyes were till they screamed with dryness and forced him to blink. He observed Hawke taking a deep breath before following her line of sight, watching Anders retreating down the steps at the far end of Viscount's Way and out of sight.

_Finally! _he thought with a snarl, but suddenly became uncomfortable with the idea that he was now alone with Hawke. _Though she doesn't know I'm here, _he comforted himself.

"How long have you been there?" she asked suddenly; Fenris instantly sat forward to search the area, wondering who she could be speaking to, but then she turned to look directly up at him and he realised she was talking to_ him_.

Completely taken by surprise, it took Fenris a moment to form a response, but then the lingering irritations of everything he'd just observed _and everything he'd_ suffered through prior to leaving the wedding settled in, giving his growing anger focus. "Long enough," he finally growled in answer, nimbly leaping down from on top of the wall.

Hawke watched his progress neutrally. She remained completely unfazed by his surly response, she'd had long enough to get used to it over the years. His obvious bad mood didn't stop him from casually walking up to where she still stood leaning against the stone pillar. "A mage and a hypocrite. What company you keep," he stated dryly, lifting his chin in the direction Anders had gone.

Hawke closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "I'm sorry, Fenris." He grimly waved off her apology, _she_ owed him nothing - the abomination, however... "You two seem to have an uncanny knack for winding each other up," she observed tiredly.

"I wonder why?" Fenris asked sarcastically. _That mage is a colossal asinu._ Hawke didn't respond, but turned to look skyward again as if praying to the Maker to give her strength. "How long did you know I was there?" he asked, doing nothing to disguise his irritation at the prospect that he'd been deliberately goaded.

"Long enough," Hawke responded without looking at him, parroting his previous answer and surliness. "You _chunter_ quite loudly, you know," she added.

"Chunter?" he asked.

She giggled lightly at his confused tone. "Yes, _chunter_... it's a word!" she explained, seeing his dubious expression. "Perhaps 'growl through your teeth' would make more sense? Either way, your displeasure was obvious enough and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed."

"You mean all that _was_ for my benefit?" Fenris asked, making a frustrated gesture.

"Well, part of me hopes that it was partially for my benefit," Hawke began, "but after earlier I'm sure Anders was relishing the idea of making you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for that, I guess he had some silly idea that it'd irritate you to see him close to me - make you jealous or something, though I don't know what would give him that idea."

"Jealous?" Fenris repeated, like it was the most ridiculous suggestion he'd ever heard, wondering whether Hawke's reaction to Anders's advances was so controlled simply because she knew they weren't alone. Would she have been more welcoming if Fenris hadn't been there? Did she care that much for him? He swallowed uncomfortably. "Fool!"

"Hmm," Hawke murmured, unaware of Fenris's discomfort as she gazed off in the direction Anders had gone. "I've given up trying to fathom what goes on in his head _and_ yours, for that matter," she said, rounding on Fenris suddenly with narrowed eyes. "I haven't forgotten I'm cross with you too, you know."

Fenris instantly tensed in the heat of her glare. "I'm not apologizing," he stated flatly, slicing his hand through the air between them with finality.

"I wasn't expecting you to," she sighed, and resumed staring after Anders. Immediately Fenris regretted his stubbornness. He shook his head, as much infuriated with himself as with her ability to make him feel guilty. The wind shifted then, blowing very chill and Hawke shivered. "How long have you been out here? You must be freezing," she said, looking over at Fenris in concern as she readjusted her long shawl.

_Since you all but set me on fire with your glare earlier, _thought Fenris sullenly, but found himself momentarily distracted by watching her slender hands deftly work the material of her shawl about her head to form an elegant hood. Then he realised that Hawke was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a response. "A bit, perhaps." _T_hough not as much all of a sudden.__ "_Someone_ told me to wear this thin linen shirt," he added, pulling nonchalantly at the buttons down the front as he spoke. "Apparently armour isn't acceptable attire to wear to a Captain of the Guard's wedding."

Hawke smiled at his dry humour and instantly some of Fenris's anger vanished.

"That same _someone _didn't tell you _not_ to wear a coat _or_ to sit outside." He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as she openly appraised him, glad that the dull lighting along Viscount's Way would make his blush hard to see. "It looks good on you, though," she complimented him, leaning back against the pillar. "At least _someone_ has good taste, hmm? But I'm sure you've had others tell you that already tonight."

"Only Varric," Fenris answered truthfully.

Hawke chuckled. "I don't believe that for an instant."

"Do," Fenris responded, "not everyone is as accepting as you - _and_ the dwarf - are, apparently. I'm very conspicuous here," he finished, repeating his earlier comment to Varric. She did not joke about it as he had, however; instead an expression of understanding flashed over her face.

"For all my insistence about the shirt," she began, "I feel a bit out of my depth with _this_ myself." She gestured to her finery and Fenris allowed his eyes to wander over her undeniable beauty again. How could he refuse such an open invitation?

"I thought so," he replied as his eyes came back to hers knowingly.

"You did?" she asked, smiling again. "Was I not hiding my discomfort well enough?"

Fenris shook his head. _B_ut only from me, Hawke, __he thought.

She mumbled something under her breath, evidently discouraged by his answer. He considered how to make her feel at ease again and remembered his earlier remark to Varric._ 'If I had a compliment to give, I'd give it directly.'_ He smiled at the thought that Varric wouldn't have a chance to wheedle it out of him by some roguish means.

"It suits you, Hawke," he remarked, motioning to her attire. Looking at her clothes again reminded him how disconcerting it had felt to realise that she looked like a mage; without thinking he added, "_If_ you look past the robe."

Hawke's eyes widened as she looked down at herself then back up at Fenris's oblivious expression. "There wouldn't be much left!" she exclaimed, clasping a hand to her chest dramatically to feign shock and outrage at the idea that Fenris was undressing her with his eyes.

When Fenris realised how she had pretended to take his comment, even in jest, he looked mortified.

"Festis bei umo canavarum!" he cursed, before desperately trying to explain. "I didn't mean, I meant..."

Though Hawke was smiling, she finished his explanation for him to end his struggling. "You meant if you look past the fact that I look like a mage?"

Fenris didn't respond, realising his attempt at being complimentary had quite a different meaning when Hawke put it like that. His silence only confirmed her suspicions.

"I think I preferred the _unintentional_ flirt," she said sadly, "but I guess my original response still applies either way - there really wouldn't be much left." Her serious tone made him feel terrible, and the guilt that had momentarily disappeared resurfaced with a vengeance. "I was born this way, Fenris. Take the mage away and what's left?"

He could only look at her, inwardly kicking himself as her eyes glistened with moisture. This wasn't what he'd had in mind when he'd wanted to see something other than burning annoyance in her gaze. What had Anders said before about him spitting every kindness Hawke offered him back in her face? He hated that the abomination was right at that moment.

"It doesn't matter anyway," she continued quietly, looking away from Fenris's troubled expression. "I should take it as a compliment that apparently I suit a dress, good to know. I haven't worn one since I was about five, so..." Still Fenris couldn't think of a way to recover from his verbal blunder. "Are you going back in?" she enquired.

The direct question helped him form an answer. At least he didn't have to think about it. "No. Are you?" he asked in return, uncertain what he hoped her response would be.

Hawke shook her head.

"I think I've had enough, too," Fenris admitted, knowing full well he'd probably have another drink when he got back to the mansion.

"Ah," Hawke said with a knowing smile. "Agreggio?" she asked, meeting his eyes.

"'_Dragon piss,'_ apparently," Fenris offered dryly, thinking of how Varric had referred to it earlier.

Hawke laughed. "Varric?" she enquired, wondering at the colourful analogy. Fenris merely nodded, but a half smile was playing at the corner of his lips at hearing her laughter. "Don't expect even a surface dwarf to appreciate the subtle flavours of red wine, Fenris."

"Like _you_ do, you mean?" he asked with a throaty chuckle. He could still vividly remember the expression on her face when she'd first tried some - she'd looked like she'd swallowed a wasp. Fenris had since learned that Hawke rarely drank alcohol, preferring warm beverages like herbal tea over the _sting_ of wine. He must have been truly intimidating on their first meeting for her to hide her aversion at the time. _I had been lobbing the stuff at the walls, not to mention other things,_ he remembered. _No wonder she was nervous._

Hawke folded her arms across her chest, distracting him again. She was scowling at his sarcasm till her face screwed up at the memory of tasting Agreggio for the first time.

"Perhaps Varric's assessment isn't far off," she acquiesced, smacking her lips before grimacing. "If I _had_ to imagine what dragon piss would taste like, that is!" Fenris shook his head, still smiling. "What?" she asked, desperately trying to sound disgruntled.

He waved off her question. "It's an acquired taste."

"I'd imagine so..." Hawke responded, letting the reply hang for a moment, then laughing when Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Agreggio, Hawke. _Not_ dragon piss!" Fenris pointed out, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. Her obvious mirth was infectious; he allowed himself to be drawn into the sudden levity, the unease of moments ago forgotten.

_I'm a glutton for punishment tonight,_ he thought, but this was how it had always been.

The sincerity of her calming influence had always been compelling to him, even during the earliest times when he'd fought so viciously against it, finding the whole notion repellent and not wanting to believe a _mage _could be _so utterly different_from everything he'd expected without an ulterior motive. She'd enticed him like a moth to a flame, constantly making him feel safe and vulnerable in equal measure.

Fenris had never had reason to think anything but ill of mages before he'd met Hawke. He'd never met anyone so mindful of him, even when he lashed out in anger, unable to hide the discomfort confusing ideas of 'good mages' inevitably wrought him. She would simply step back, giving him space, never pressuring him to see things her way, no matter how heatedly they argued beforehand. Time and time again she would do this and it left him forever floundering.

He'd thought that he was finally keeping pace with her, knowing so much more about her now, _but after tonight_ it felt like she'd shot a million miles ahead again. It was his own fault, he knew she had no idea what she was doing to him just by being _her_.

They fell into step with one another in companionable silence, gradually making their way back down to Hightown. For all Fenris's worries about being alone with her, he found it surprisingly comfortable. For the first time he was able to appreciate what a beautiful night it really was.

_Certainly I have very lovely company,_ he thought, sneaking a sidelong look at what he could see of Hawke's profile under her hood.

When they finally spoke it was about nothing in particular. They were quick to joke and laugh, and Fenris even got to hear the story about Hawke and Donnic that Varric had been telling people at the wedding. Matchmaking had never been quite such hard work, it seemed. It was certainly difficult to imagine someone as confident and forthright as Aveline struggling to show her feelings, yet she'd courted Donnic with a fear typically reserved for dragons. He looked at Hawke again, taken with her anew as she met his eyes and smiled, confusion gripping him firmly. _Perhaps not so difficult to imagine_, he mused. She'd been surprised that he hadn't heard the tale already, but surprise gave way swiftly to concern when she remembered that Fenris had been absent at the time because it had taken place shortly after Hadriana's appearance.

"It doesn't matter, Hawke," Fenris said, waving off her needless worry. As unwanted as the reminder of his old master's favourite apprentice was, the bitch was dead and he was that much safer as a result. The only thing that truly troubled him still was how he'd acted toward Hawke at the time. That was one of the worst occasions he'd taken his anger out on her, undeservedly so.

They were at her door now; Hawke tipped the shawl off her head as she stepped under the sheltered entrance to her estate. A long stretch of the material uncoiled clumsily and hit the ground. She reached for it, mumbling under her breath about shawls being more trouble than they were worth, but Fenris beat her to it, helpfully gathering it up and passing it back to her.

She nodded her thanks as she reached for the bundle of cloth, but when she looked at his face she noticed his eyes seemed distant as he smiled to himself.

"What is it?" she asked curiously.

Fenris shook his head and didn't answer, though he couldn't quite control his smug expression. Hawke didn't press the matter further and with a casual shrug threw the errant piece of shawl over her shoulder again. She'd never need to know that she had just unintentionally answered his earlier 'wondering' at what her touch would feel like, her fingers having slid gently over his own on retrieving her shawl.

"Well," she began, turning toward her door.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Fenris asked, collecting himself quickly. He knew she was _scheduled_ to show up at some point, but feared that perhaps the evening's events would prevent her from coming. Even as these concerns crossed his mind, her eyes appeared to wander. _Anders,_ he thought, reading her face, and instantly his mood darkened. However, when Hawke met his eyes again she was smiling.

"So you've noticed?" she asked. Fenris lifted an eyebrow quizzically. "We seem to have fallen into a pattern, Fenris. It's been a long time since you've required my tutelage, after all."

"I didn't realise that was the continued reason for your visits," Fenris replied, taken aback.

"It's not!" Hawke answered hurriedly, realising how her remark had sounded. "I enjoy your company very much," she added honestly, trying to appease Fenris further. "I just didn't want to overstep my bounds, I know you value your privacy, that's all."

Fenris rolled his eyes. "So, I _will_ see you tomorrow?" he questioned, hoping for a simple 'yes' this time.

"If you like," Hawke answered, trying to read his expression.

Fenris took the opportunity to see if he could settle another errant thought he'd had. Whilst nodding slightly in response, he allowed his eyes to linger on hers far longer than he would have normally. To his great satisfaction, she blushed under the intensity of his gaze, shifting her weight shyly but not looking away. He noted a definite twinkle in her eyes as he smiled.

"Goodnight, Hawke," he said smoothly.

"_Goodnight, Fenris_," she replied, her voice sounding slightly distant as she remained briefly transfixed on his face. She shook her head suddenly and repeated herself more clearly. "Goodnight, Fenris." She abruptly turned away from him then and began fumbling with the door handle. Fenris nearly chuckled, thinking, _Hawke never fumbles anything_. She gave him another cursory glance over her shoulder and with an embarrassed smile finally pushed the door open.

Fenris waited till the door had clicked shut and he was alone before allowing himself to chuckle out loud. _Yes, __that__ was definitely a much nicer experience,_ he confirmed, though he wasn't certain he'd ever have the confidence to do it again. He intended to avoid drinking alcohol around Hawke from now on.

As he turned to walk away, Fenris heard a faint thud against the door that sounded like someone leaning back against it. He briefly considered the possibility that it might be Hawke, having been so affected by him that she'd had to take a moment to collect herself. As much as the idea intrigued him, Fenris smiled and shook his head, abandoning the notion before finally heading off toward the mansion, grumbling about mages under his breath.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**_ - Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this short story, I hope it's been enjoyed. Might not quite be the 'satisfied' Fenris people were hoping for, but... there's more to come! ;-)_

_This is part of an ongoing series, 'Moments in Time' each set at different points throughout the game and posted seperately to this. They're not in any kind of order as the muse to write flits back and forth depending on the availabilty of free time to write. :-S _

_On the whole I try not to dwell particularly on moments that we've all experienced in our own playthroughs (Though some fics to come plus Realisations [Already Posted] and Inevitable Conculsions [Already Posted] are based around more major points, just further embellished), but consider the gaps inbetween times, moments that might be hinted at etc._

_ I am out to improve my writing abilities, they have been sorely neglected over the past few years and I do wince on reading back some of my attempts, so any advice, pointers and constructive criticisms are greatfully received. All fics posted are currently undergoing a complete overhaul._

_Thank you so much to those who have reviewed, favourited and alerted already... It was a real boost to know you wanted to read more!  
><em>


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